So many books to read, so little time

Actually, I have ample time now that I am technically unemployed and on Tuesday November, 25, I will have graduated my third attempt at college. I suppose it wasn't really my third attempt at college, considering I finished the first round (technically, twice as I have my associate's degree and a professional certificate). I only dropped out of one program and that was largely because I was getting absolutely nothing out of the school other than annoyed and depressed. So I suppose this is my second attempt at a bachelor's degree.

'Lo and behold! I am successful! I have finished all of my classes and am now waiting for my final grade. I am a "pending graduate" according to Full Sail's system. I am not only graduating, however. I am also the recipient of the Advanced Achievement Award on top of my two Course Director Awards.

Receiving the notification of the award was a bit uplifting as I have technically been homeless for half the time I have been in school. Full Sail's handbook describes the award by saying it is "usually indicative of a student most likely to succeed." If only everyone knew that I am actually fighting to succeed because I feel that I have no other choice. It's either succeed as being a writer/filmmaker and be able to support myself or not try at all and die in the icy cold streets while the uncaring corporate poseurs of Seattle turn up their noses.

That last statement brings me to my next topic. I am reading Bridget Jones' Diary. I am about halfway through and I have to say that this is the most uninteresting piece of drivel that I have ever read next to Pride and Prejudice. Are there women that are actually like this? How can someone be so focused on gaining the attention of men, criticize themselves for being that way, and then go right back to it? It is so shallow and epitomizes the stereotype of "chick lit." It embarrasses me as a reader, a writer, and a woman. The book itself does not bother me as much as the quotes on the cover that say, "Fielding has rummaged all too knowingly through the bedrooms, closets, hearts, and minds of women everywhere."

Who are these women? Do they actually relate to this? I don't think I know these women.

My question is this. Do I bother finishing it? Does it get better? I saw the movie when I was a teenager, but I cannot remember a single thing about it other than the fact that my brother caught me watching it and said, "Are you feeling okay?"

(On the flip side, however, Bridget Jones has a job where as I do not.)

Born to Write

School.

When I was a kid, the word just meant bullies, incompetent teachers, and many trips to the nurse's office to be sent home.  I feigned illness a lot just so I could get out of gym class or to avoid the bus ride home.  I was often terrified to go to school.  Kids would call me names and steal my stuff.  One kid actually stole my math textbook and coincidentally, I almost failed because I didn't have it.  What did my teacher do about it?  Nothing.

School was hell for me.

Then I reached high school.  Freshman year was okay, I got along with almost everyone, and my grades were decent, but I still wasn't that into it.  As the years went on, I skipped class to edit video, I'd read books during the boring classes, school assemblies, and even church.  I didn't stay home as often, but after awhile, I stopped getting along with everyone.  My friends and I started fighting and once again, I almost didn't graduate due to my lack of interest in my studies.  I did, however, pull it together near the end of senior year and scrape by.

I went straight to college for electronic media and animation.  I was incredibly excited about my media courses.  I had spent most of my free time growing up making videos and websites, so the classes came really easy to me.  I got mostly As and I tried really hard.  I received my Associate's and everything was dandy.  But I struggled with getting a job in the media field.  So after some experimentation with the circus arts, I decided to go back to school for film to receive my bachelor's.

I was initially thrilled to be going for strictly film, but the professors were not excited about the film industry anymore.  They all seemed old, jaded, and resentful toward their lack of involvement in the field.  It was depressing, and so I left.  I dabbled once again in the circus arts and figured that I did not really need school to teach me how to approach media people.  I made contacts all over through the internet, film people, television people, everyone.

People invited me onto their projects and things were looking up, but my career wasn't taking off as quickly as I would have liked and there just was not enough work in Cincinnati.  Paid or otherwise.  Once again, I decided to go back to school.  This time, to hone my craft of writing since my previous courses lacked any good writing courses.  I chose Full Sail University online, and while it is an expensive school, I have found that it is my favorite school.

Never before have I been so excited for my courses.  My lowest grade is an A.  I have even made some great friends through Facebook who also go online.  I've never had much school spirit, but I am proud to go to this school and I want to be even more involved.  School is no longer a place of hell for me.  Now it's a sanctuary.  I find solace in my homework much like I find solace in watching films or reading books.

It's strange, but I love it.  I keep getting asked how I'm so successful at school and I have not been able to come up with a direct answer until now.  The reason I am doing so well is because I love it.  I do procrastinate a little bit sometimes, but when I do my work, it gets my full attention.  Most of the time I am so excited about class that I start my homework as soon as I am given it and I spread it out through the week.  Part of it is time management, but the biggest reason I am doing so well is purely that I love what I am studying and I love my school.

My teachers have been great, the class materials are interesting, the online platform is compelling and I can work at my own pace.  Some people blame my success on the fact that my classes aren't that difficult because it's a "for profit school."  Some people even believe that I'm really just average and the school is just trying to boost my confidence by giving me good grades.

I don't know if any of that is true.  All I know is that I'm doing what I was born to do.